"mama, i met someone," i say.
i say it because if i say it enough i’ll get it out of my system and will cease to crave both nouns in a sentence that means less than it should and more than i want it to.
i’m embarrassed. again.
i don’t know how to want this.
i’m always waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under me. to coax me into opening up and then laugh at me. so i don’t stand on rugs anymore. and i keep one door in the warm and open house locked tight. and i laugh first.
i’m a coward and a fraud and you deserve better. if you even wanted me at all.